- May 8th, 2024, 2:12 pm#4997611
Ever since Chicken, He Clucked made a post about the changes they'd have made to Frozen Empire, I haven't been able to stop thinking about how some revisions across the board would make it a better and more coherent movie, even if I still liked it about the same on a second viewing. Here's my revision, which is largely based on the final product.
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The opening is basically the same, although I would have positioned the Fire Master at the other end of the room, so that the frozen scene is almost like a tableau telling a story, where the Manhattan Adventurers' Society played the chant and suffered the consequences, but the Fire Master was there to capture Garakka in the orb.
Instead of jumping right into the action, there is some establishing material at the firehouse, where the Spenglers are still moving in. There is setup to the fact that Winston is waiting to show them something, but they don't know what it is. Phoebe has helped get much of the electronics and equipment in the firehouse running, while Trevor has little to do and feels conflicted about it. They receive a surprise call and nobody is sure they are supposed to be active, but Gary convinces them to go because he's excited to try it. The Sewer Dragon bust proceeds mostly as it is in the finished film, although there is more emphasis on the idea that Trevor's job is to operate the RV trap, and that Callie ends up taking his place with the drone trap.
The scene in Peck's office is basically the same, except that it is established that the Ghostbusters have a standing license to operate within the city limits that hasn't expired, something established after the events of Ghostbusters II. His focus on Phoebe's age is the one way he can undermine the team, so he takes his opportunity to do so and has her benched. More scenes that are basically the same: Callie gives Gary permission to play parent to Phoebe. Phoebe goes to the park and lays out the chessboard. I'd add a line from her, basically to herself, asking what Egon would do before the chessboard moves, to emphasize the idea that she briefly wonders if it's Egon before she meets Melody.
Over at Ray's Occult Books, the same basic scenes occur: the YouTube show, Phoebe coming by to deliver the mood slime and see Podcast, and Nadeem delivers the orb. Two minor corrections to this scene: Ray seems to know what it is in the finished movie, but then of course he's got to go to Wartzki later, so I would clean that up, and I would also simply remove the Mini-Pufts from this scene as their behavior is different than it is later in relation to the orb, which makes no sense to me. The orb awakens, creating issues with the containment unit. When Phoebe is stumped by it, Trevor tries to help a little in a way that makes him a nuisance. When they tell him to stop being a brat, he asks for help with the attic, and Callie suggests it could be a way to show he's a responsible adult, so he embarks on his attempts to catch Slimer.
The gang calls Winston, who arrives with Lars, and the various scenes through at the PRC play out as in the film. Ray brings the orb there, but is less casual in handing it over (his reaction to the orb in these early scenes is all over the place, and I'd like them to be more consistent). At night, Lars and Lucky try to extract the ghost from the orb and it rattles the PRC. Unlike in the film, the proton fields around the rooms have independent generator/batteries and so there is no risk of the ghosts escaping. Lars and Lucky record the chant. Phoebe is left alone and sneaks out on the call with Podcast only to find the call is for Melody. (I would change the dialogue so she openly acknowledges she met Melody before to Podcast, so that he's less confused.)
The next day, the gang returns to the PRC so that Lars and Lucky can talk about the orb. During the discussion, the orb rattles the PRC again, but this time, it cracks the observation tank holding the Mini-Pufts, one of which sneaks out and de-activates the Possessor's generator, releasing it and allowing it to jump into Podcast's bag. Afterward, Phoebe talks to Ray at the bookstore. I'd give their conversation about what it would be like to be a ghost more time to breathe, before Ray receive the recorded chant from Lars and Lucky, and he thinks of Wartzki. They go to the library, and everything basically plays out the same way. Only change I'd make is that Peck should criticize Phoebe about destroying the lion, rather than Winston, who should be more concerned about Ray. Gary and Callie half agree but dislike Peck, so they only partially criticize her, but the fight is basically the same. Simultaneously, Lars, Lucky, and Trevor go to retrieve Nadeem and have Venkman interrogate him, identifying him as the Fire Master and bringing him back to the firehouse.
Phoebe, wanting to spend more time with her new friend and wanting to know what it feels like to be a ghost, realizes that the extraction machine will allow her to do that (this is presented passively in the film, I would rather it be something we see her coming up with quickly in the movie). She gets into the machine, Garakka uses her to come alive, and Garakka escapes the PRC. Unlike in the movie, New York does not freeze over, but it is caught in a freak snowstorm.
At the firehouse, the gang learns (as in the deleted "Ghost Chopper" scene) that the containment unit is essentially a fulfillment of Garakka's prophecy, so Garakka is coming there after retrieving his horns from Nadeem's place. Phoebe tells Gary that the proton packs won't work, and Gary believes her, solidifying their bond, but there is no time for them to do anything about it before Garakka appears and freezes them. While that happens, Phoebe devises the plan involving brass and gets Garakka with the modified pack, with the help of Nadeem. (Unlike in the movie, I don't think the moment where it looks like even Phoebe's pack won't work is strictly necessary, Nadeem can jump in without such a dramatic pause.) I would also add a little touch where Nadeem uses his Fire Master powers to weld the containment unit shut. As in the film, Melody moves onto the other side, and there is more of an emphasis on Callie allowing Trevor to drive at the end, with Gary visibly backing the decision in a way that makes Trevor feel like they are giving him more responsibility.
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Anyone else have changes they'd like to make to the film?
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The opening is basically the same, although I would have positioned the Fire Master at the other end of the room, so that the frozen scene is almost like a tableau telling a story, where the Manhattan Adventurers' Society played the chant and suffered the consequences, but the Fire Master was there to capture Garakka in the orb.
Instead of jumping right into the action, there is some establishing material at the firehouse, where the Spenglers are still moving in. There is setup to the fact that Winston is waiting to show them something, but they don't know what it is. Phoebe has helped get much of the electronics and equipment in the firehouse running, while Trevor has little to do and feels conflicted about it. They receive a surprise call and nobody is sure they are supposed to be active, but Gary convinces them to go because he's excited to try it. The Sewer Dragon bust proceeds mostly as it is in the finished film, although there is more emphasis on the idea that Trevor's job is to operate the RV trap, and that Callie ends up taking his place with the drone trap.
The scene in Peck's office is basically the same, except that it is established that the Ghostbusters have a standing license to operate within the city limits that hasn't expired, something established after the events of Ghostbusters II. His focus on Phoebe's age is the one way he can undermine the team, so he takes his opportunity to do so and has her benched. More scenes that are basically the same: Callie gives Gary permission to play parent to Phoebe. Phoebe goes to the park and lays out the chessboard. I'd add a line from her, basically to herself, asking what Egon would do before the chessboard moves, to emphasize the idea that she briefly wonders if it's Egon before she meets Melody.
Over at Ray's Occult Books, the same basic scenes occur: the YouTube show, Phoebe coming by to deliver the mood slime and see Podcast, and Nadeem delivers the orb. Two minor corrections to this scene: Ray seems to know what it is in the finished movie, but then of course he's got to go to Wartzki later, so I would clean that up, and I would also simply remove the Mini-Pufts from this scene as their behavior is different than it is later in relation to the orb, which makes no sense to me. The orb awakens, creating issues with the containment unit. When Phoebe is stumped by it, Trevor tries to help a little in a way that makes him a nuisance. When they tell him to stop being a brat, he asks for help with the attic, and Callie suggests it could be a way to show he's a responsible adult, so he embarks on his attempts to catch Slimer.
The gang calls Winston, who arrives with Lars, and the various scenes through at the PRC play out as in the film. Ray brings the orb there, but is less casual in handing it over (his reaction to the orb in these early scenes is all over the place, and I'd like them to be more consistent). At night, Lars and Lucky try to extract the ghost from the orb and it rattles the PRC. Unlike in the film, the proton fields around the rooms have independent generator/batteries and so there is no risk of the ghosts escaping. Lars and Lucky record the chant. Phoebe is left alone and sneaks out on the call with Podcast only to find the call is for Melody. (I would change the dialogue so she openly acknowledges she met Melody before to Podcast, so that he's less confused.)
The next day, the gang returns to the PRC so that Lars and Lucky can talk about the orb. During the discussion, the orb rattles the PRC again, but this time, it cracks the observation tank holding the Mini-Pufts, one of which sneaks out and de-activates the Possessor's generator, releasing it and allowing it to jump into Podcast's bag. Afterward, Phoebe talks to Ray at the bookstore. I'd give their conversation about what it would be like to be a ghost more time to breathe, before Ray receive the recorded chant from Lars and Lucky, and he thinks of Wartzki. They go to the library, and everything basically plays out the same way. Only change I'd make is that Peck should criticize Phoebe about destroying the lion, rather than Winston, who should be more concerned about Ray. Gary and Callie half agree but dislike Peck, so they only partially criticize her, but the fight is basically the same. Simultaneously, Lars, Lucky, and Trevor go to retrieve Nadeem and have Venkman interrogate him, identifying him as the Fire Master and bringing him back to the firehouse.
Phoebe, wanting to spend more time with her new friend and wanting to know what it feels like to be a ghost, realizes that the extraction machine will allow her to do that (this is presented passively in the film, I would rather it be something we see her coming up with quickly in the movie). She gets into the machine, Garakka uses her to come alive, and Garakka escapes the PRC. Unlike in the movie, New York does not freeze over, but it is caught in a freak snowstorm.
At the firehouse, the gang learns (as in the deleted "Ghost Chopper" scene) that the containment unit is essentially a fulfillment of Garakka's prophecy, so Garakka is coming there after retrieving his horns from Nadeem's place. Phoebe tells Gary that the proton packs won't work, and Gary believes her, solidifying their bond, but there is no time for them to do anything about it before Garakka appears and freezes them. While that happens, Phoebe devises the plan involving brass and gets Garakka with the modified pack, with the help of Nadeem. (Unlike in the movie, I don't think the moment where it looks like even Phoebe's pack won't work is strictly necessary, Nadeem can jump in without such a dramatic pause.) I would also add a little touch where Nadeem uses his Fire Master powers to weld the containment unit shut. As in the film, Melody moves onto the other side, and there is more of an emphasis on Callie allowing Trevor to drive at the end, with Gary visibly backing the decision in a way that makes Trevor feel like they are giving him more responsibility.
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Anyone else have changes they'd like to make to the film?
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