- December 3rd, 2020, 4:49 pm #4942915
Good luck, Sav!
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What would Ryan do?
What would Ryan do?
Sav C wrote: ↑December 3rd, 2020, 7:01 pm I'll probably delete this later.You say you lack the courage to mention any of this to your family. Is it out of fear of rejection, or not being taken seriously?
I made it to 150 words on my first essay, but now I'm having trouble focussing, so I'll get this off my chest and then hopefully carry on. A few years ago, as some of the folks on here probably remember, I went through a rough patch. Fortunately I have my health now (largely thanks to the help I got on here), and my most significant issue is my workload this coming week. However, I think what caused my rough patch (I won't go into here) also happened to have a negative impact on my family, and I think we've drifted apart since then. We don't even eat dinner at the table anymore...
My parents have probably been drinking a bit too much since Covid started, one of my parents has started to get angry and yell on a regular basis (probably a few times a week, something which seems to stop when my parents go sober for a while), and we all spend a lot of time on our devices. I admittedly don't do enough around the house, but I do work three days and week, and take classes the other four, so it's not like I sit around on the couch all day. My one parent who gets angry is often perceiving slights from other people (many of which I think are imagined (although I would never point this out)), and occasionally accuses us of stuff. When I went through my rough patch, one of my parents caught on and basically tried to set me on the right track, but their reaction was kinda extreme and unintentionally made things worse, so I basically sucked everything up and pretended to be fine. Sure, everyone in the family pays lip service to therapy and mental health, but when it comes time to put our words into actions, we seem to fail spectacularly. Even my siblings and I (we used to be thick as thieves) spend more time on social media than keeping each other company. We still have our good times, but usually it involves some sort of a celebration or holiday.
Anyway, I lack the courage to say any of this to my family. Also, I'm not sure if the rest of my family feels the same way, but if they do they certainly haven't come out and said it. Even if I tried to be more outgoing, Covid has resulted in a lack of topics to talk about, so it's kind of hard to stimulate our relationships back to where they were. And like I said, I'm too timid to try and stage any direct intervention, so I'm not particularly optimistic about returning to our old normal anytime soon, since I can't think of any viable solutions. Our house is quiet--we need more music, and we need more humor. Anyhow, I'm doing OK, but I'm a bit tired, a bit burnt out, and the distance that's grown between my family isn't doing me any favors. Frankly, just putting this into words and getting it out there is support enough, so thanks for creating this space to vent! Maybe now I'll be able to concentrate in my essay...
Sav C wrote: ↑March 21st, 2023, 7:48 pm I'm just going to put this out there because I'm wondering if anyone else is in a similar boat. I feel like the pandemic completely changed me and a lot of the people around me, and it's really only been since December that I've started to feel like myself again. I think I became depressed or numb or something during all of the lockdowns, and then once the lockdowns lifted I started binge drinking like crazy--not every day, but once or twice a week I'd just have at it. I didn't get my drinking under control until around December, which is when I started reevaluating who I had become. My best grade last semester was a D, and I had been an A student pre-covid. It feels like I was out to lunch for over a year. Also, as soon as I could socialize with people again (outside of work) I pursued some connections that weren't good for me. To make a long story short, since August most of my friend group (who were my brother's friends first) and my brother got sucked into, or started flirting with, the "manosphere," which I absolutely despise. Some of them also became quite Christian, and not the tolerant type... I'm doing my best to move on, but it's hard to breakup with friends, even if they're not good for you. I don't know why they're still keeping company with me, though, because they know I'm a liberal atheist, which in their eyes probably makes me an immoral sinner and a "beta" or an "NPC." I can't believe I got myself into this mess. It makes me wonder if I'm a much worse person than I thought I was. In an optimistic case I'm a decent person with bad interpersonal judgement. I feel like I don't have anyone my age who I'm really close to, but I do like some of my classmates so I'm trying to pursue connections there. I'm finally going out and enjoying cultural things, like art galleries and museums and musical events, but I'm still doing lousy in school, although I've been a bit more engaged there as well. But my family's tense, I've soured on my friends, and my academic career's in a precarious spot. I went to a psychiatrist a few times, but that was only somewhat helpful, and now I'm trying to find a psychologist instead. I'm a neurotic mess and I just can't believe I let things get to this point, even if this point is much better than even four or five months ago... Most of my time is spent ruminating either about the problems in my social life or about the pandemic.You live in Canada, right? Which province? Are you comfortable saying which city? If not on the board perhaps PM me.
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