Talk about stuff that has nothing to do with Ghostbusters!
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By Sav C
#4942924
I'll probably delete this later.

I made it to 150 words on my first essay, but now I'm having trouble focussing, so I'll get this off my chest and then hopefully carry on. A few years ago, as some of the folks on here probably remember, I went through a rough patch. Fortunately I have my health now (largely thanks to the help I got on here), and my most significant issue is my workload this coming week. However, I think what caused my rough patch (I won't go into here) also happened to have a negative impact on my family, and I think we've drifted apart since then. We don't even eat dinner at the table anymore...

My parents have probably been drinking a bit too much since Covid started, one of my parents has started to get angry and yell on a regular basis (probably a few times a week, something which seems to stop when my parents go sober for a while), and we all spend a lot of time on our devices. I admittedly don't do enough around the house, but I do work three days and week, and take classes the other four, so it's not like I sit around on the couch all day. My one parent who gets angry is often perceiving slights from other people (many of which I think are imagined (although I would never point this out)), and occasionally accuses us of stuff. When I went through my rough patch, one of my parents caught on and basically tried to set me on the right track, but their reaction was kinda extreme and unintentionally made things worse, so I basically sucked everything up and pretended to be fine. Sure, everyone in the family pays lip service to therapy and mental health, but when it comes time to put our words into actions, we seem to fail spectacularly. Even my siblings and I (we used to be thick as thieves) spend more time on social media than keeping each other company. We still have our good times, but usually it involves some sort of a celebration or holiday.

Anyway, I lack the courage to say any of this to my family. Also, I'm not sure if the rest of my family feels the same way, but if they do they certainly haven't come out and said it. Even if I tried to be more outgoing, Covid has resulted in a lack of topics to talk about, so it's kind of hard to stimulate our relationships back to where they were. And like I said, I'm too timid to try and stage any direct intervention, so I'm not particularly optimistic about returning to our old normal anytime soon, since I can't think of any viable solutions. Our house is quiet--we need more music, and we need more humor. Anyhow, I'm doing OK, but I'm a bit tired, a bit burnt out, and the distance that's grown between my family isn't doing me any favors. Frankly, just putting this into words and getting it out there is support enough, so thanks for creating this space to vent! Maybe now I'll be able to concentrate in my essay...
User avatar
By RichardLess
#4942935
Sav C wrote: December 3rd, 2020, 7:01 pm I'll probably delete this later.

I made it to 150 words on my first essay, but now I'm having trouble focussing, so I'll get this off my chest and then hopefully carry on. A few years ago, as some of the folks on here probably remember, I went through a rough patch. Fortunately I have my health now (largely thanks to the help I got on here), and my most significant issue is my workload this coming week. However, I think what caused my rough patch (I won't go into here) also happened to have a negative impact on my family, and I think we've drifted apart since then. We don't even eat dinner at the table anymore...

My parents have probably been drinking a bit too much since Covid started, one of my parents has started to get angry and yell on a regular basis (probably a few times a week, something which seems to stop when my parents go sober for a while), and we all spend a lot of time on our devices. I admittedly don't do enough around the house, but I do work three days and week, and take classes the other four, so it's not like I sit around on the couch all day. My one parent who gets angry is often perceiving slights from other people (many of which I think are imagined (although I would never point this out)), and occasionally accuses us of stuff. When I went through my rough patch, one of my parents caught on and basically tried to set me on the right track, but their reaction was kinda extreme and unintentionally made things worse, so I basically sucked everything up and pretended to be fine. Sure, everyone in the family pays lip service to therapy and mental health, but when it comes time to put our words into actions, we seem to fail spectacularly. Even my siblings and I (we used to be thick as thieves) spend more time on social media than keeping each other company. We still have our good times, but usually it involves some sort of a celebration or holiday.

Anyway, I lack the courage to say any of this to my family. Also, I'm not sure if the rest of my family feels the same way, but if they do they certainly haven't come out and said it. Even if I tried to be more outgoing, Covid has resulted in a lack of topics to talk about, so it's kind of hard to stimulate our relationships back to where they were. And like I said, I'm too timid to try and stage any direct intervention, so I'm not particularly optimistic about returning to our old normal anytime soon, since I can't think of any viable solutions. Our house is quiet--we need more music, and we need more humor. Anyhow, I'm doing OK, but I'm a bit tired, a bit burnt out, and the distance that's grown between my family isn't doing me any favors. Frankly, just putting this into words and getting it out there is support enough, so thanks for creating this space to vent! Maybe now I'll be able to concentrate in my essay...
You say you lack the courage to mention any of this to your family. Is it out of fear of rejection, or not being taken seriously?

One thing I’ve learnt in life is that it’s short & you never know what’s around the corner. Try hard to muster your courage. Regret is an awful thing and if something ever happened you may regret not having told your family how you feel.

Try writing out a script of what you’d want to say to them. Then read it back to yourself, outloud. Let yourself hear the words. Maybe record it & play it back to yourself. You might hear it come out of your mouth and think differently. If talking to them directly isn’t something you can do, write a note. An email. Let it out. Maybe try talking to a sibling, one you are particularly close with.

What are the positives of talking to them about this? What are the negatives? Does one outweigh the other? These are things that can help you reach a decision or become more comfortable with what you want to say. Remember, they are family. I imagine you’ve been through a lot together. You love them, they love you.

You can do this. You can. Don’t doubt yourself. Believe in yourself. Always.

Also, good luck with all the school work.
Sav C liked this
By yourbigpalal83
#4943269
Some updates....

So i've been making efforts to try to improve my mental health and keep my mind occupied but i keep getting anxious and depressed every time i set foot out the door with my mask on.

I figure the holidays are going to be hard not being able to see my friends in person, but its still the safest route until i get a vaccine cause i refuse to put my parents health in jeopardy.

I just keep telling myself, we're more then halfway though this, at the worst, spring will be the latest you get the vaccine and then you can return to atleast hanging out with your friends safely and get outta the house a bit more.

I made a big step today towards that goal! I messaged a local official asking since i do provide care for my elderly parents does that make me eligible to get a vaccine sooner rather then later?

I dont want to jump infront of anyone online, especially a doctor or nurse or someone that works with multiple patents, but the sooner i can get my vaccine, the sooner i can start trying to recover from this nightmare, get out of the house more in a safer manner and start to enjoy life again!

The way i figure it, is if i cant get the virus, i cant spread it, so it doesn't matter if other people get the vaccine or not, thats not my choice or call, everyone has to decide for themself, but atleast i know i can somewhat return to a normal life knowing it wont be me who gets my parents sick and that will relieve alot of anxiety!

If i can just get to a point where i can leave the house safely and clear my head when i feel overwhelmed and not trade one stressful situation for another, ill be in a much better place.

I also returned some items and put money towards the next gen gaming systems so when they are back in stock, i got something to look forward too durring the winter, and once i get them in hand, i can get lost for a bit in gaming to help pass the time!


I just figure its all a waiting game for the moment, but i view this time as the darkest before the dawn and within a few months ill one way or another get the vaccine, be able to return to hanging out among friends, (id still wear a resperator in public for the forseeable future) and be in a much calmer state too where i can focus on improving my physical and mental health as well, learning lessions from this time in isolation, and striving to improve my life for the better moving forward!
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By South Suburbs GBFan
#4948437
2020 was supposed to be the year I opened my South Suburbs Ghostbusters franchise. Then COVID struck, and I've fallen into a bit of a doldrums about it. At the moment, it's just me, and I have no clue where to even begin without coming across as annoying. And that's always been Rule One as far as I'm concerned: do not under any circumstances annoy others with your bullshit. Forgive my sharp language, but that's pretty much what my dreams and aspirations feel like when I run them through all the way.
Nighty80, Kingpin liked this
User avatar
By Kingpin
#4948446
You're entitled to feel frustrated at your plans being scuppered by the pandemic, you along with millions had their plans for the last year and a half up-ended.

My plan for instance were to move into a new line of work last spring, but realistically now with the job market in the state it's in, it may well be next Spring on Summer when that plan comes to fruition.

What did you have in the works for the franchise?
deadderek liked this
By South Suburbs GBFan
#4948486
The overall idea is just to...reach out and finally pick that fruit. Frankly I've had it up to here with hiding what makes me unique in the service of not being an embarrassment.
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By Sav C
#4980324
I'm just going to put this out there because I'm wondering if anyone else is in a similar boat. I feel like the pandemic completely changed me and a lot of the people around me, and it's really only been since December that I've started to feel like myself again. I think I became depressed or numb or something during all of the lockdowns, and then once the lockdowns lifted I started binge drinking like crazy--not every day, but once or twice a week I'd just have at it. I didn't get my drinking under control until around December, which is when I started reevaluating who I had become. My best grade last semester was a D, and I had been an A student pre-covid. It feels like I was out to lunch for over a year. Also, as soon as I could socialize with people again (outside of work) I pursued some connections that weren't good for me. To make a long story short, since August most of my friend group (who were my brother's friends first) and my brother got sucked into, or started flirting with, the "manosphere," which I absolutely despise. Some of them also became quite Christian, and not the tolerant type... I'm doing my best to move on, but it's hard to breakup with friends, even if they're not good for you. I don't know why they're still keeping company with me, though, because they know I'm a liberal atheist, which in their eyes probably makes me an immoral sinner and a "beta" or an "NPC." I can't believe I got myself into this mess. It makes me wonder if I'm a much worse person than I thought I was. In an optimistic case I'm a decent person with bad interpersonal judgement. I feel like I don't have anyone my age who I'm really close to, but I do like some of my classmates so I'm trying to pursue connections there. I'm finally going out and enjoying cultural things, like art galleries and museums and musical events, but I'm still doing lousy in school, although I've been a bit more engaged there as well. But my family's tense, I've soured on my friends, and my academic career's in a precarious spot. I went to a psychiatrist a few times, but that was only somewhat helpful, and now I'm trying to find a psychologist instead. I'm a neurotic mess and I just can't believe I let things get to this point, even if this point is much better than even four or five months ago... Most of my time is spent ruminating either about the problems in my social life or about the pandemic.
jonogunn, deadderek, Nighty80 and 2 others liked this
User avatar
By RichardLess
#4980331
Sav C wrote: March 21st, 2023, 7:48 pm I'm just going to put this out there because I'm wondering if anyone else is in a similar boat. I feel like the pandemic completely changed me and a lot of the people around me, and it's really only been since December that I've started to feel like myself again. I think I became depressed or numb or something during all of the lockdowns, and then once the lockdowns lifted I started binge drinking like crazy--not every day, but once or twice a week I'd just have at it. I didn't get my drinking under control until around December, which is when I started reevaluating who I had become. My best grade last semester was a D, and I had been an A student pre-covid. It feels like I was out to lunch for over a year. Also, as soon as I could socialize with people again (outside of work) I pursued some connections that weren't good for me. To make a long story short, since August most of my friend group (who were my brother's friends first) and my brother got sucked into, or started flirting with, the "manosphere," which I absolutely despise. Some of them also became quite Christian, and not the tolerant type... I'm doing my best to move on, but it's hard to breakup with friends, even if they're not good for you. I don't know why they're still keeping company with me, though, because they know I'm a liberal atheist, which in their eyes probably makes me an immoral sinner and a "beta" or an "NPC." I can't believe I got myself into this mess. It makes me wonder if I'm a much worse person than I thought I was. In an optimistic case I'm a decent person with bad interpersonal judgement. I feel like I don't have anyone my age who I'm really close to, but I do like some of my classmates so I'm trying to pursue connections there. I'm finally going out and enjoying cultural things, like art galleries and museums and musical events, but I'm still doing lousy in school, although I've been a bit more engaged there as well. But my family's tense, I've soured on my friends, and my academic career's in a precarious spot. I went to a psychiatrist a few times, but that was only somewhat helpful, and now I'm trying to find a psychologist instead. I'm a neurotic mess and I just can't believe I let things get to this point, even if this point is much better than even four or five months ago... Most of my time is spent ruminating either about the problems in my social life or about the pandemic.
You live in Canada, right? Which province? Are you comfortable saying which city? If not on the board perhaps PM me.
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By Kingpin
#4980348
It's easy to get sucked into some bad crowds if it seems like they're offering you something you feel is missing.

You wonder if you're a worse person than you thought you were... But I propose that you're not a worse person than you thought you were, but maybe more susceptible to toxic people that you thought you were.

It's good that you're working to detach them from yourself, all I can suggest is keep working at it as in the end... I believe you will be genuinely better off for it.

I can also understand your sense of detachment, as I think I've experienced something similar. Prior to the pandemic I used to regularly make digital art works as well as create fanfiction, but in the years since the UK's first lockdown I continue to struggle to get back into those hobbies.
Sav C liked this
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By DancingToaster
#4980352
I don't pretend to be a expert on any of this, but think carefully about social media usage. If you're active on social media a lot, does looking at it make you feel any better? I personally find that I like not having most of it; if you're trying to separate from certain people, social media makes it very difficult to do so (getting updates, people trying to contact you through other friends, etc.). I don't know if you use it or if it's contributing to keeping connections that you don't really want. It's ok to lose contact sometimes, especially if it seems like things are being held together artificially or it's having a negative impact on you. I'm not suggesting putting up a social wall either, just considering specific ways people associate with each other.

Do you have any hobbies? I don't want to sound dismissive or anything, and I know everyone's personal circumstances are different (as I said, I'm not an expert!). For me, especially after things had been shut down and restricted for so long, having a craft project that I started (in this case, my LostWax EVA proton pack) really changed my attitude. It's like having a little fun goal just for you, with a hint of meditation, and something like that can have a surprising ripple effect on other things.
deadderek, Alphagaia, Sav C liked this
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By Alphagaia
#4980364
I found this video to be very helpful to understand how our brains work, and why our brain actually likes to fall back in the same (bad) routines.

The most important thing however: when something is wrong, it's NOT(just) your fault. Keep that in mind. We are all slaves of habits that are hard to dismiss, even ones that are considered bad for you. Friends and Family can cause you to keep those (bad) habits, and/or inflict those habits on you.

I hope this helps people who struggle. For me it helped coping when I physically attacked a man for insulting my (demented and at that point still alive) dad. It was a low point in my life, but while the stress was real, this guy deliberate triggered my buttons in a way I can now choose to not care about anymore.

Anyways, maybe this helps in a small way. It's not something that will solve all your problems, but it might help you understand why sometimes you or someone else are in a habit to make (small) mistakes.



https://youtu.be/75d_29QWELk

Small warning: at the end they try to sell you a habit journal. They do stress it's optional, but just so you know it ends in a commercial. Still some very good points in the video, though.
RedSpecial, Sav C liked this
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